How Well Do You Know Yourself? Understanding How the World Sees You Can Improve Your Career and Relationships  Roger Flax, PhD The Horizon Companies.

A health-care professional thought she was doing a great job – but her coworkers considered her ineffective and uninspiring.  A husband thought of himself as a great listener – but his family members thought he cared bout no one’s opinion other than his own.  A doctor saw herself as unspectacular – but everyone around her believed she was wonderful. The way people perceive themselves can differ dramatically from the way the world sees them.  And this can hurt relationships and careers.  Here is how to see how the world sees you and what steps you need to take.

WHOSE PROBLEM IS IT?  Perception gaps – where you are perceived differently from how you really are – often last a lifetime. When events force people to confront these perception gaps, they inevitably reason that it is everyone else who has got them wrong. “I am misunderstood,” they reassure themselves.  “The world just doesn’t know the real me.”

The truth is that when people’s perception of themselves differs from the world’s perception of them, it is the “misperceived” people who have the problem.  If they do not achieve greater self-awareness quickly, their relationships, careers and reputations can suffer.

Examples: An executive who misperceives his/her strengths and weaknesses continually sets himself/herself up for failure by taking on projects that don’t fit his/her actual skills.  A father does not take steps to improve his relationships with his grown children because he does not acknowledge the areas where he needs improvement.

These people will spend their lives making the same mistakes time and again and wondering, Why does this keep happening to me?  They lose credibility in the eyes of the people around them because they do not deliver the results they promise and fail to hold themselves accountable for shortcomings that seem obvious to everyone else.

Why are people so prone to misperception?  It often dates back to childhood.  When kids receive praise or criticism about certain aspects of themselves from their parents, teachers or peers, it can make such a deep impression that they continue to believe that these are their strengths and weaknesses for the rest of their lives, ignoring all evidence to the contrary.

HOW OTHER PEOPLE REALLY SEE YOU:  If you ask people their opinion of you, they often will just tell you what they think you want to hear.  They don’t want to risk upsetting you or damaging their relationship with you.  But you can structure your questions in a way that encourages honest responses.  Ask people whose opinion you value ….

  • If you were to list 3 of my strengths and 3 of my weaknesses, what would they be?”  This question doesn’t ask whether you have weaknesses … it assumes that you have them … everyone does .. and asks what those weaknesses are.  Similar: “Give me 5 adjectives that describe me and at least 2 of them cannot be positive.”
  • If you were my boss, what would you see as most likely to derail my career?”  Bosses are allowed to tell the truth, even when it hurts, in a way that most people are not.  Encouraging people to picture themselves in this role thus increases the odds that they will tell the truth.
  • “If you were to recommend one thing for me to improve about myself this year, and I absolutely had to do it, what would it be?”  This question does not ask, “What’s wrong with me?”  It asks, “What should I improve about me?”  That is a key distinction – it casts your area of weakness not as a shortcoming but as a temporary challenge that you soon will overcome.

If you are going through a bad breakup, don’t complain to your friends – pop a couple of aspirin and stop brooding.  That’s the advice of Columbia psychology professor Walter Mischel, who believes that because psychological pain is quite similar to physical pain, it can be treated with the same medicine.  “When you look at a picture of the one who broke your heart,” he tells The Daily Telegraph (U.K.), “you experience pain in a similar area of the brain that is activated when you burn your arm.”

  • My wise mother gave me this piece of wisdom: “A bad love affair is like the flu.  You’re really, really sick for a while, and then for a while more you’re very weak and shaky.  And then one day the flu is gone!”
  • Chase those blues  away and above all, don’t indulge in a pity party!  Instead, start each day with a “transcendental chuckle.”  Sit cross-legged in front of a mirror and laugh for five minutes for absolutely no reason!  You will feel great all day long, that’s a promise!
  • Also, stay still, be quiet, and listen to your heart.  Then, when it speaks, get up and go where it takes you.  Life is full of pleasures, so go out and explore life’s glorious options.  Fulfill your minimum daily requirement for pure fun!    Don’t be afraid to take risks.  Dream Big, and never, ever  hesitate to enjoy yourself!
  • Over the Rainbow – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I

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STRESS – Most people need a certain amount of stress if they want to perform at the top of their potential.  Perhaps you are one of the lucky few – you don’t lose the thrill of taking risks with the unknown and you enjoy challenges and excitement.

But bear in mind that everyone needs time off, so don’t be tempted to take on so much that you may eventually risk burnout.  However little you may currently feel the need, you may want to keep the following advice in mind:

  • Take regular vacations
  • Exercise
  • Spend time with family and friends
  • Talk about a variety of topics and not just work
  • Read about subjects other than work-related subjects
  • Day dream

And most important: Remind yourself that life starts rather than stops at 5:30 PM!



The Coaching Center … for Cool, Classy, and Smart People

Seduction is an art.  Throughout history the finest practitioners of seduction have been celebrated the world over.  Seductive men come in all styles and sizes.  For some women, James Bond is their ideal seducer .. the suave man of action, man of the world, man about town.  A true seducer is capable of transforming the most ordinary day and/or evening into a time of magic.

Who are your all-time favorite seducers …. past and present?  What qualities / attributes are important for you?  And where are the best places to meet them?  One person you could ask is Amy Andersen, Silicon Valley’s matchmaker extraordinaire.

The Coaching Center for ….Charming, Clever, Stylish, Cool & Classy People

Important Facts to Remember As You Grow Older:

  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
  • Life is sexually transmitted.
  • Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for the day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
  • In the 1960’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • Enjoy life and laugh often ….. life doesn’t last forever, so make the most of your one and only life. 

Smart, Cool & Classy People – The Coaching Center for Mind & Body Success

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.  Oh, never mind.  You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded.  But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall how fabulous you really looked at the time.  You are not as fat as you imagine.  Don’t worry about the future.  Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing gum.  Real troubles are apt to blindside you at 4 p.m. on an idle Tuesday.

Do one thing daily that scares you Sing. Floss. Stretch. Dance. Travel.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. ♥ Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.  Remember compliments, forget insults.  Keep old love letters.  Throw away old bank statements.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.  Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know don’t know what they want to do with theirs.  Be kind to your knees.  You’ll miss hem when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t.  Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t.  Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.  Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much.  Your choices are half chance, like everybody else’s.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.  Do not read beauty magazines.  They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents.  You never know when they’ll be gone.  Be nice to your siblings.  They’re the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you.  Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.  The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Accept these truths: Prices will rise.  Politicians will philander.  You, too, will get old.  And then you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.  Maybe you’ll have a trust fund.  Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse.  But you never know when either one might run out.  Be careful whose advice you buy.

Feng shui (“wind and water”) is an ancient Chinese practice that considers the environment a metaphor for everything that occurs in your life.  It is based on the idea that energy, or chi, in every space has its own personality.  When the space you live in is arranged in harmony with nature, life can be good.  Consider your bedroom: The more comfortable you are there, the better you will sleep.  The better you sleep, the more your life will be like a beautiful dream.

Rules For The Bedroom:

  • Place the head of the bed against a solid wall, in the corner farthest from the entry, with the greatest view of the entire room.
  • Friends turn false and support disappears when the bed is placed against a glass or fake wall.
  • Don’t place the bed directly opposite the door or a window; this position drains energy.  If necessary, create a barrier between the bed and the door or window with furniture or plants.
  • Don’t place the mattress directly on the floor  Elevate it above the floor by at least 5 inches, but not more than 3 feet.
  • Don’t use the space under the bed for storage unless you want to dream of what you’ve stored,
  • Avoid clutter and heavy, inappropriate furniture.  Clutter acts as an impediment to subtle energy forces.  And childish toys and furniture keep you in a childlike state.
  • To bring more life and vitality into your bedroom, use 3 plants: one near the entry, one near the bed, and another near the exit or window, making a curved path for the chi.  Add fresh flowers whenever you can.

How To Get to Sleep Faster: Don’t pad around barefoot on cold bathroom tiles when you brush your teeth before bed.  A scientific study has shown that warm hands and feet are the best physiological predictor for nodding off.  Warm your feet on your partner or wear bed socks.

Wrinkles Sleeping on a satin pillowcase will help prevent wrinkles while you sleep.